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Instagram post 17912143499268408

Instagram post 17912143499268408

For many people with lived experience of complex d

For many people with lived experience of complex developmental, childhood, and adulthood trauma, life doesn’t get better. It gets worse, and worse, and worse.

My childhood trauma came to the surface 3.5 years ago. I thought this was going to be the turning point I needed. I thought I would finally get the help I had been asking for my whole life.

In fact, the opposite happened. I have since experienced more trauma than I ever thought was possible.

So much of this trauma has been interpersonal. This means our connections and relationships with other people becomes the traumatic experience.

I thought I had a family who loved me and friends who cared deeply. Instead I have been abandoned over and over again both by my family and by my “friends”.

Much of the “help” I was expected to accept by family + friends is not appropriate. Non-trauma-informed care can make us worse. The professionals would tell me I know more about trauma than they do, and they can’t help me.

Imagine going through the most traumatic time of your life. Imagine believing you had family + friends to support you through it. Imagine every single one of those family and friends turning their back to you and saying “we can’t help you, you need to find professional help.” Imagine spending your whole life trying to find professional help, only for it to cause you further harm, and eventually end with the professionals telling you they can’t help you either.

Imagine being completely alone, right when you thought you finally didn’t have to be alone with the burden you had been carrying alone since you were 2 years old.

Humans are social animals, wired to rely on social connections to keep us alive. Losing personal relationships can literally feel like we are dying.

For some of us, complex trauma becomes so intertwined in every aspect of our lives that everything becomes worse and worse until we just quite simply don’t want to be alive anymore.

#trauma #childhoodtrauma #abuse #childhoodsexualabuse #sexualabuse #complextrauma #cptsd #ptsd #mentalhealth #suicidalthoughts #suicideprevention #suicideawarness #homeless #alone #lonely #christmas #loss #pain #grief #healing #traumahealing

I should be grateful. After 6 years of homelessnes

I should be grateful. After 6 years of homelessness, with the help of 2 charities, I now have my own flat.

But it makes me feel even more trapped + alone + suicidal.

I should be hopeful. I discovered how childhood trauma explains all of my struggles.

But I’m angry that society continues to fail to recognise this.

I should be proud. I submitted a PhD funding application.

But I’m angry it’s the 3rd year in a row I’ve been through this completely inaccessible process, designed to make you fail. Why am I trying so hard to be part of a bigger educational system I don’t support? Because I want to help make it better.

I should feel proud. I want to help make things better.

But it makes me angry that nobody wanted to help me in the same way I help others.

I should feel proud. I’ve printed my emotional flashback cards for others to buy.

But I’m angry there are so many people who need them.

I should feel grateful. For the wonderful women I’ve met via setting up @kindlingspace these last few months.

But I feel even more alone and missing all of the friends + family I used to have.

Everything that is supposed to be keeping me alive is making me feel less like I want to be alive.

I can’t see a way out and I don’t want to be alive anymore.

If you’re like my friends and family, you’ll tell me “you need professional help”.

I don’t want help. I don’t need help. I just need a family, a tribe, a community. Consistent physical human presence in my life. Humans are social animals.

So many of us don’t have that. We spend 99% of our time alone even when we desperately don’t want to.

This is a reality so many of us face and it’s fucking shit that society keeps us trapped here.

21st century western society, what the fuck are we doing? With all the resources and privileges we do have, and this is how we choose to live as a society.

There’s nothing wrong with me when I say I don’t want to be alive. There’s something wrong with society. And I’m too exhausted to fight it anymore.

#trauma #childhoodtrauma #abuse #complextrauma #cptsd #ptsd #mentalhealth #suicidalthoughts #suicideprevention #suicideawareness #alone #lonely #loss #pain #grief #healing #traumahealing

Simply amazing to finally hold the very first prin

Simply amazing to finally hold the very first printed edition of emotional flashback cards in my hands. 🤩🙈

Now being delivered to doors around the world, to help even more of us. ✨

Each set has x11 double-sided thick encapsulated (totally waterproof!) cards. They are designed to help manage overwhelming emotional flashbacks, with different insights on each side.

I was inspired to create them after reading Pete Walker’s life-changing book ‘Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving’. The cards are adapted from Pete’s ‘13 Steps To Manage an Emotional Flashback’ and are made with his permission and blessing. 🙏🏼

I made the cards for myself, and then shared them with my friends. And now, I’d love to reach more of my peers who want a set too.

You can already download the cards for free on my website www.EyesOnTrauma.org - I want to keep them accessible. 📩

These printed editions are a great addition to help yourself, your loved ones, or clients. 🌝

They’re available in 2 designs, classic psychedelic 🌈 and natural wood/tree 🪵.

Just 50 sets available of each design in this 1st edition.

The cards are £15 per set, plus £1 UK P&P. ✉️ EU + worldwide shipping also available. 🌍

Discounts for multiple sets:
- x2 for £25
- x3 for £35
- x5 for £50

(Please contact me for bigger group discounts e.g. teachers, therapists, charities)

Online shop coming soon - DM me to buy now and be amongst the first to receive a set! 🙌🏼

P.S Thank you for your support. All purchases enable the work I do at Eyes On Trauma, using my lived experience to make more free resources to help others. 🙏🏼

#emotionalflashbacks #petewalker #complextrauma #complexptsd #trauma #cptsd #ptsd #bpd #mentalhealth #crisis #suicidal #childhoodtrauma #therapy #recovery #healing #resources #therapyresources #mentalhealthresource #livedexperience #flashcards #design #encapsulated #laminated #justarrived #madelocal #madeinengland #firstedition

My ex-boyfriend said these things to me. His fri

My ex-boyfriend said these things to me.

His friends + family think he is charming.

One of his friends came up to me and said “Your boyfriend makes me feel like a princess!”

He never made me feel like a princess. He treated his friends far better than me.

It was clear he still idolised his mother, his sister, and wasn’t over his ex-girlfriend. It was clear he still had unprocessed trauma from his childhood, and from recent years.

Why did I stay? Why does anyone ever stay?

Because my own childhood trauma didn’t teach me that these are unhealthy relationships.

Because I might know better now, but I am still learning how to stand up for myself.

Because my own adulthood trauma meant I had nowhere better to go.

Because I didn’t think anyone would believe me, and I would lose another group of friends.

Because I hoped he might become aware of and begin to deal with his own trauma.

Because I wanted to believe it when I tried to raise issues with him, and he told me he loved me and everything would come good.

Abusive relationships don’t have to be physical. The abuse doesn’t even have to be intentional. I don’t think he realised the harm he caused by what he was saying. But the impact is just as traumatic.

We need to raise awareness of abuse and trauma. We need to better recognise and support our friends who have these experiences.

We need to be there for the quietly traumatised women, not just for the outwardly charming men. (Important to note that gender roles can also be reversed here.)

The biggest irony? Since we broke up, I’ve put on healthy weight and my boobs have grown.

Not that I ever thought I had a problem. I’ve always loved my body. That is something I won’t let him take from me.

Having awareness that his words are more about his own trauma, than they are about me, helps me do this.

Now I just have to get it all out of my head. And here it is. Not my words to hold onto anymore.

#metoo #abuse #trauma #complextrauma #relationships #ptsd #cptsd #raisingawareness #domesticabuse #mentalhealth #intergenerationaltrauma #childhoodtrauma #healing #healingjourney #traumarecovery #traumahealing #eyesontrauma

Last night I put together the first x50 sets of em

Last night I put together the first x50 sets of emotional flashback cards, which are just back from the printers.

I am doing this part myself to save on costs, to keep them as affordable as possible - and it’s fun, because it’s so exciting to see them come together! ✨

It’s taken a few years (and a global pandemic) to get the cards to this stage, and now they’re ready to go out in the world and help many more of you. 🙌🏼

I was inspired to make them after reading Pete Walker’s life-changing book ‘Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving’. 📚

You can already download the cards for free on my website www.EyesOnTrauma.org - I want to keep them accessible.

These printed editions are a great addition to help yourself, your loved ones, or clients. 🌝

All purchases also help support the work I do with Eyes On Trauma, enabling me to use my lived experience to make more free resources to help others. 🙏🏼

The cards are extremely durable, completely encapsulated against water and almost impossible to rip - emotional flashback tested! ⚡️

I work with a local printer in Brighton, UK 🇬🇧 and we went through a rigorous design & production process to make sure they’re the best quality possible. Perfectionist me enjoyed this bit. 🥳

They’re available in 2 designs, classic psychedelic 🌈 and natural wood/tree 🪵.

Just 50 sets available of each design in this 1st edition. ✨

The cards are £15 per set, plus £1 UK P&P. ✉️ EU + worldwide shipping also available. 🌍

In addition to supporting your own healing journey, the cards make thoughtful gifts for loved ones, and ideal resources to use with clients. 🥰

Discounts are available for multiple sets of cards:
- x2 for £25
- x3 for £35
- x5 for £50

(Please contact me for bigger group discounts e.g. teachers, therapists, charities)

Online shop coming soon - DM me to buy now and be the first to receive a set! 🙌🏼

#emotionalflashbacks #petewalker #complextrauma #complexptsd #trauma #cptsd #ptsd #bpd #mentalhealth #childhoodtrauma #therapy #recovery #healing #resources #therapyresources #mentalhealthresource #livedexperience #flashcards #design #encapsulated #laminated #justarrived #madelocal #madeinengland #firstedition

A few years in the making, the first ever professi

A few years in the making, the first ever professionally printed sets of my emotional flashback cards have arrived. 🥳

I was inspired to make them after reading Pete Walker’s life-changing book ‘Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving’. 📚

You can already download the cards for free on my website www.EyesOnTrauma.org - I want to keep them as accessible as possible.

These printed editions are a great addition to help yourself, your loved ones, or clients. 🤩

All purchases also help support the work I do with Eyes On Trauma, enabling me to use my lived experience to make more free resources to help others. 🙏🏼

The cards are extremely durable, completely encapsulated against water and almost impossible to rip - emotional flashback tested! ⚡️

I work with a local printer in Brighton, UK 🇬🇧 and we went through a rigorous design & production process to make sure they’re the best quality possible. Perfectionist me enjoyed this bit. 🥳

They’re available in 2 designs, colourful psychedelic 🌈 and natural wood/tree 🪵.

Just 50 sets available of each design in this 1st edition. ✨

The cards are £15 per set, plus £1 UK P&P. ✉️ EU + worldwide shipping also available. 🌍

In addition to supporting your own healing journey, the cards make thoughtful gifts for loved ones, and ideal resources to use with clients. 🥰

Discounts are available for multiple sets of cards:
- x2 for £25
- x3 for £35
- x5 for £50

(Please contact me for bigger group discounts e.g. teachers, therapists, charities)

Online shop coming soon - DM me to buy now and be the first to receive a set! 🙌🏼

#emotionalflashbacks #petewalker #complextrauma #complexptsd #trauma #ptsd #bpd #mentalhealth #childhoodtrauma #therapy #recovery #healing #resources #therapyresources #mentalhealthresource #livedexperience #flashcards #design #encapsulated #laminated #justarrived #madelocal #madeinengland #supportentrepreneurs

The worst bit about childhood sexual abuse is that

The worst bit about childhood sexual abuse is that the trauma continues long after it stops.

Despite this abuse, I loved Christmas as a child. Then I had many awful years in traumatic adult relationships.

3 years ago the truth about my childhood sexual abuse came out in my family. Everything made sense & I thought I was finally going to be helped.

Instead my family responded by spending Christmas in the Caribbean on my dad’s yacht, without me.

I spent the next two Christmases alone, smoking weed on a tiny boat with no bed, running water or fridge, dealing with a life worth’s of trauma unravelling without the support I needed.

Last Christmas I thought I’d found a way out, living in a community with a new boyfriend, but that ended up as an abusive situation too.

After everything I’ve already been through, I didn’t think it could get any worse, but it does. I never thought I‘d wake up in a cold damp van on Christmas Day and go to a homeless drop-in centre for breakfast. Not as a volunteer, but as one of the people needing help. Spending the rest of the day alone and feeling suicidal.

The last few years have been more traumatic than the sexual abuse I experienced as a 2 year old.

I have lost more - friends, family, homes - in these years than I ever thought possible, and it’s still continuing.

Life feels too painful to live when we experience trauma and are left alone to deal with it. Disconnected from those around us, and without the safe home we really need.

The way we understand trauma, and the way we treat our friends & family who have experienced it, has to change.

When I feel like it’s too painful to be alive, two things keep me going:
1. The moon + the stars
2. The desire to change this so others don’t have to suffer

If you feel this way too, I hope you can take some comfort in knowing you’re not the only one. Together I hope we can change it, with the moon + stars watching out for us. 🌝✨

#trauma #childhoodtrauma #abuse #childhoodsexualabuse #sexualabuse #complextrauma #cptsd #ptsd #mentalhealth #suicidalthoughts #suicideprevention #suicideawarness #homeless #alone #lonely #christmas #loss #pain #grief #healing #traumahealing

Figure out what you are flashing back to⚡️🧠

Figure out what you are flashing back to⚡️🧠 Use your emotional flashbacks as opportunities to discover, validate & heal wounds from your past trauma.

Welcome to Step #12 of 13 Steps to Manage an Emotional Flashback. 😇

I used to feel deeply ashamed of my emotional flashbacks. I didn’t know what they were. For decades, I experienced extremely distressing & overwhelming behaviour. This began in very early childhood continuing into adulthood, up until today.

Before I discovered ‘emotional flashbacks’, I thought there was something wrong with me. My parents shamed me for having ‘tantrums’ as a child. My adulthood romantic partners also used this word when I experienced distress.

Realising my experiences were emotional flashbacks to early childhood trauma was a huge breakthrough in understanding my distress. I learned they are opportunities to find our unmet developmental needs & compassionately meet them.

Emotional flashbacks are immensely powerful. In the past, I only knew how to turn this energy against myself. I struggled with self-harm for decades.

But now I see my emotional flashbacks as opportunities, I can instead use this energy to help myself.

When I had a big emotional flashback today, I didn’t take it out on myself. I acknowledged my feelings, cried, wrote a poem & shared it with a few close friends, and emailed someone who can help me with the triggering situation. Those were things my child self could not do. Today I am using my emotional flashbacks to give myself what I need.✨

I was inspired to make these cards after reading Pete Walker’s life-changing book 📕 ‘Complex PTSD: From Surviving To Thriving’. Discovering emotional flashbacks explained my lifelong “mental health” struggles & finally gave me the pathway to healing that I needed.⚡️🧠

Download the cards for FREE at EyesOnTrauma.org 👈🏽 Printed sets coming very soon, pre-order yours now. 🥳

#eyesontrauma #emotionalflashbacks #flashbacks #trauma #traumahealing #healing #complextrauma #cptsd #ptsd #mentalhealth #complexptsd #childhoodtrauma #developmentaltrauma #livedexperience #mentalhealthtools #flashcards #survivor #therapy #cptsdhelp #cptsdhealing #innerchild #freehelp #creative

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